


Seafoam Melancholy

by magsimumcute



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 12:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magsimumcute/pseuds/magsimumcute
Summary: "Because I'm afraid no one else will have me."It wasn't meant to slip like it did and Kravitz is definitely not the only one who is surprised about the sudden honesty coming from Taako. His surprise however only shows in how his eyes widen for a split of a second - barely noticable.





	1. Chapter 1

"Because I'm afraid no one else will have me."  
It wasn't meant to slip like it did and Kravitz is definitely not the only one who is surprised about the sudden honesty coming from Taako. His surprise however only shows in how his eyes widen for a split of a second - barely noticable.  
Taako's never been one to admit anything openly, especially not this fast. Really learning anything about him that doesn't have to do with his fame or essentially anything that is negative is almost impossible. 

 

This wasn't even supposed to be a real date. It was meant to be a stupid joke. Kravitz wanted to talk in private and so Taako picked the least private place, just to be a douche. It was supposed to be awkward and to make Kravitz feel weird and yet-  
When the two of them were walking around outside afterwards and just talking - the initial conversation that led to them meeting up long forgotten - it felt comforting. Taako truly felt a lightness in his chest for the first time in what seemed like forever.  
Yes, his movements, his gestures are always as light as a feather, but not because that's how he is, but because that's what he tries to bring across. All that Taako has known and has gone through is weighing him down like an anchor, but there is no way in hell he'd ever show that side of himself. And it's okay like this, because he can always count on himself, he will never let himself down and he will never leave himself.  
However, this time everything was different. The stupid jokes melted away, but everything was still lighthearted. His chest felt light when they talked about every possible topic that is out there, and it still felt light when they moved on to more personal things. It felt light because they were both opening up at the same time and it was easy to believe they were being honest, because they were. Taako hadn't hidden anything from Kravitz that night.  
Hiding is something Taako has always been doing, and it's not even anything to feel bad about in his opinion. It makes him feel in control and safe. He himself can control how much he wants to show and how much he wants people to know. The flashy outfits, the glamorous makeup, the extensive use of magic; it's all to look good for himself and not for others. He doesn't want to look into the mirror and see too much of what's been dragging him down. He needs a sense of security, that something always stays with him, and that's his beauty.  
He doesn't need more than that.

 

Being with someone and talking as much as he did felt strange. Taako lets his actions speak for themselves, or rather let them distract people from asking him questions. It didn't take long for his throat to feel sore and for the occasional stutter to set in, but Kravitz wouldn't say a single thing about it. He didn't make fun of the mistakes, like Taako feared, instead he ignored them and only concentrated on what he was saying. The first few times when the stutters happened it made Taako become quiet and throw out another silly joke to cover it up, however those jokes always seemed to go by unnoticed.  
It didn't take all that long for Taako to slowly understand that Kravitz doesn't mind. And that's when more embarrassing, personal things began pouring out of him. But in the end it didn't even matter, because he soon was rewarded with more stories about Kravitz that he soaked up in hopes of remembering them forever, because he's not sure he'll ever have an encounter like this ever again.  
And he knows it's his fault for not letting anybody ever get close to him, but it just happens to make him feel safer and when it comes to himself and his own mental health he always chooses safety over recklessness.

 

However, tonight he was completely reckless.  
Taako is still standing outside long after Kravitz has left, just to let everything that has happened fully sink in.  
Things went weird that night, and he's not completely sure he liked that. In fact, he doesn't really feel anything about what just happened. No joy, no fear, no helplessness or satisfaction. Just nothing.  
At least it wasn't a real date, right?

 

The chilly breeze outside somewhat helps him collect his thoughts. Deep breath, which ends with a small sigh and tired seafoam coloured eyes looking off into the distance.  
He's tired of feeling this way.  
Maybe it's time to try something new.


	2. Chapter 2

Seeing him again was not supposed to be this painful. Longing for him was not supposed to happen. And wondering about his life and his aspirations was absolutely not a welcome thought.

An annoyed grunt escapes Taako's throat as he sits up in his bed. He squints a bit at the soft moonlight bathing almost his entire room in a light blue colour and with a quick look at a watch he realises pretty much no time has passed. It's exactly 4:09 a.m. and he has not managed to fall asleep at all.  
Quick smirk at noticing it's close to 4:20. Nice.  
But that smirk immediately fades, because goddamn, he has not gotten any amount of sleep so far. This isn't the first time he has had trouble sleeping after meeting up with Kravitz, though tonight it's especially bad.

He saw him again today. They haven't seen eachother since their night out and it was the most nerve wracking thing he's ever had to deal with. No monster, no enemy is nearly as scary as seeing someone again that you're not sure how to feel about. Of course it wasn't anything romantic - Taako needs more time than that to fall in love - but there's still this tempting curiosity, this harmless want to know more about him. There's this small feeling in his chest that wants to have a night like this again. He wants to connect like this again, he wants to actually feel comfortable in his skin again like he did that one night.

And Taako did absolutely nothing to help this.

If Taako not stepping forward and making a move towards Kravitz wasn't already enough to scare him off, then the nonchalant Hello he got today definitely did it. There was no feeling behind it and instead of asking him how he's doing Taako only talked about himself and then only in this distant arrogant way as he usually does with everyone else.

Only thinking about this makes Taako want to scream, but instead he muffles another groan by flopping back onto his bed again, this time face forward into the pillows.  
He lies there motionless for a few moments before he leans upwards to breathe and coincidentally his stone of farspeech lands in his line of sight. He watches the faint glow in the dark room for a bit, while his mind wanders to talking to Kravitz through it. He could just ask if he wanted to hang out with him again... But no, this is stupid. Plus, it's way too late and he's pretty sure literal death has a better sleep schedule than this. Guess he just lies down flat and dies for a few hours. Wish Taako could do that too.

He looks around in his bed with a sigh. It's king-sized and full with pillows to make it a bit more alive and yet it's still bland and empty when it's just him sleeping in there all by himself.  
Through the meetup Taako has only realised how lonely he actually feels in this emotional fortress, not letting anybody in.  
He wish he could let more people in and let them in more often, but all this betrayal he's faced in his life just made him get incredibly distant.  
It's to protect himself, but god is it lonely.

Suddenly, he grabs the stone from his nightstand and looks at it. It's time to try something new, right?  
He's had so many years just going by the same way everytime and everytime it frustrated him. Something needs to change, but Taako has long realised the change doesn't just come out of nowhere.

Choosing to call Kravitz in this moment happened almost out of instinct and it's weird losing control over himself like this. It's hard to say when the last time was that he ever let loose before meeting Kravitz, but it definitely was a long time ago.

There's not much time to think before a disgruntled and sleep deprived voice answers and the reply to that just suddenly blurts out of Taako.

"Just called to remind you it's 4:20. Also, are you free this weekend?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops. there we go. i didn't expect people to like my drabble as much as they did so!!! fuck this i wrote another chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> just a small drabble bc i suddenly had the urge to... as always i just kinda get a rush of inspiration and write it all down in half an hour... i hope it's not too bad though haha. if you want more i'm up for suggestions!


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